{"id":1312,"date":"2020-04-24T14:50:50","date_gmt":"2020-04-24T14:50:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/?p=1312"},"modified":"2020-06-18T15:18:32","modified_gmt":"2020-06-18T15:18:32","slug":"grieving-the-loss-of-normality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/grieving-the-loss-of-normality\/","title":{"rendered":"Grieving the Loss of Normality"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 300px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 300\/300;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span>\u200bThe journey to find a good therapist<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><strong>Searching for a therapist<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Whether you\u2019re dealing with depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, or feel like you may just need to talk about what is happening in your life with someone outside your social circle, therapy can be an incredibly helpful tool in finding our way through life. For some people it\u2019s hard to come to a place where they are ready to see a therapist.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">But it can be even harder to find the right therapist that will actually help you with the problems you are facing.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">It took me a long time to finally find a person that works for me in my unique situation. And the process of getting there has been frustrating and confusing at times. The first step for most of us these days is to hop online and start searching for our options. And looking at all the different letters after a therapist\u2019s name is where some of the confusion may already start.<\/p>\n<h3>Your therapist might be multiple people<\/h3>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">For me, my therapist ended up being several different people. During my depression, I had access to a mental health counselor. Working with him was the very first step I took toward counselling and therapy. After several years, I had to relocate for school. Needless to say, I had to find a different therapist in the new city.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">\u201cOur wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful parts of us.\u201d&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&#8211; David Richo<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">And as I moved along my journey through depression, many others joined my mental health team. For instance, I worked with a psychiatrist and a hypnotherapist for some time. After that, my needs changed and I worked with a relationship counselor and later on a women-focused life coach. You may find that over time, your needs will change as well.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 300px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 300\/300;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span>Psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor or therapist?<\/span><\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Broadly speaking, different designations (their title represented by letters after their name) refer to different paths and lengths of education that person has taken to come to practice. They may also be registered with different regulatory bodies depending on which designation they have. I have a quick outline for you here. But keep in mind that there may be differences depending on the country of practice or even the state or province you live in.<\/p>\n<h3>Psychiatrist<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"\">A medical doctor who specializes in diagnosing and treating mental illness<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"\">*Licensed to write prescriptions*<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"\">Equipped to deal with extreme presentations of mental illness<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>May focus solely on medication management and a medical diagnosis and work in tandem with another therapist for behavioral therapy (some psychiatrists will also do behavioral therapy themselves)<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>Determines appropriate treatments based on clinical diagnoses and observations<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>May have a more academic approach<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Psychologist<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"\">Has a doctoral degree in psychology<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"\">Most psychologists cannot (in most states of the USA, for example) prescribe medication, so they may work with your medical doctor if prescriptions or medical procedures are necessary<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"\">Focus is on behavioral therapy<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>Helps clients clarify their feelings and make life decisions<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>Aims to support and guide you<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3 style=\"\">Licensed Counselor<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"\">Usually has a Master&#8217;s Degree in Psychology, counseling, or a related field<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"\">Cannot prescribe medications<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"\">Focus is on talking and behavioral therapy<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>Helps clients clarify their feelings and make life decisions<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>Aims to support and guide you<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Clinical social worker<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"\">Has at least a Master&#8217;s Degree in Social Work and additional training to be able to evaluate and treat mental illnesses.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"\">Most can help with case management (like hospital discharge planning), in addition to referring to community resources and advocate for patients in the system<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"\">Helps clients clarify their feelings and make life decisions<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>Aims to support and guide you<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Therapist<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"\">A broad term in the mental health field that usually refers to someone who specializes in behavioral therapy, like a psychologist, psychiatrist, marriage counselor, social worker, or even alternative helping practitioners and life coaches<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"\">Helps clients clarify their feelings and make life decisions<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"\">Aims to support and guide you<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 300px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 300\/300;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span>Navigating the internet for a therapist<\/span><\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">With the above guidelines in mind, have a look at online registries and search results and start browsing your options. Reading through their websites thoroughly can often give you a pretty good idea of the type of therapy they provide. A lot of times you can find a rating for a doctor or therapist and read through the reviews online. Moreover, there are many mental health forums you can join that help you find a therapist in your area.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">You may also want to find the answers to some basic questions for each therapist. Is their approach more academic or emotional? What type of methods do they specialize in? Do they work with specific demographics? How long have they been a therapist? What are their qualifications and are they licensed to practice where you live?<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Finding a therapist online\" width=\"640\" height=\"426\" title=\"Finding a therapist online\" data-id=\"1243\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Finding-a-therapist-online.jpg\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"426\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"426\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 640px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 640\/426;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a good idea to narrow down the field with practical things like driving distance, hours of operation or offering online appointments.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">If you end up finding a helpful therapist, you could be going to see them for months or even years. A long commute or restricted working hours may end up becoming a burden when sessions have to fit between work and life. In addition, you might prefer to have sessions online, if driving is not feasible. In that case, be sure to check if they offer online appointments.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 300px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 300\/300;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span>Will the cost of a therapist be covered?<\/span><\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">In case you are lucky enough to have extended medical coverage, you may also want to check with your insurance provider if they cover the specific designation of therapist you are considering. The letters at the end of the name can be a minefield of confusion. Even one letter different than the approved designation can mean that you end up paying out of pocket.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">I found it easiest to actually have their title in front of me when I called my insurance provider to double check if it was included in my coverage. If you don\u2019t have medical coverage, there are still many resources online. Moreover, certain programs you may qualify for that subsidize therapy or provide free counselling. Check with your doctor, community mental health resources, or online for more information specific to your area.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Therapist costs\" width=\"640\" height=\"426\" title=\"Therapist costs\" data-id=\"1244\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Therapist-costs.jpg\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"426\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"426\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 640px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 640\/426;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">During my teenage years, I received free counselling through our local mental health program. Later, my therapy was covered through my studies at university. Once I finished studying, I did not have a job with medical coverage. I ended up in another community mental health program. This worked very well for me because I was still in a large city. It might be a little more difficult to get access to support in smaller towns or rural areas.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">As my needs changed and I considered alternative therapies, some sessions were covered by my extended medical and some were not. I have to say that private medical insurance is getting much better at covering therapy; however, they still have a long way to go. You may find that if you choose an alternative practitioner, like a hypnotherapist, you may have to pay out of pocket.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 300px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 300\/300;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span>Ask friends and family or check online reviews<\/span><\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Different people respond to different therapists and everyone has different goals for their own therapy. In other words, what might work for one person, may not work for another. So with that in mind, it\u2019s still worth asking for recommendations from friends or family. It can be very helpful if they are seeing their therapist for similar reasons or goals to your own. If you\u2019re comfortable, ask around to your family or friends to see if anyone has had an experience worth recommending.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Therapist reviews\" width=\"640\" height=\"426\" title=\"Therapist reviews\" data-id=\"1245\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Therapist-reviews.jpg\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"426\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"426\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 640px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 640\/426;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">If that\u2019s not an option for you, it can always be worthwhile to read the online reviews for some therapists you are considering. Again, keep in mind that a therapist is a very individual fit, but sometimes the review can apply more broadly. Take the online reviews with a grain of salt. I have seen so many bad reviews that actually had nothing to do at all with the quality of therapy. Above all, don\u2019t be turned off solely by the online reviews.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">You may be seeing a doctor already for your depression and you can always ask her or him for a recommendation. Often, doctors know the available therapists in the area and can even make a quick call for a referral. Keep in mind that you are not obliged to stick with that therapist. But, it might get you a quick appointment, if you need help now. My doctor set up my referral to the community mental health program and I received the help I needed right away.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 300px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 300\/300;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">Have a consultation call<\/span><\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Once you\u2019ve narrowed the field of potential therapists, try to request a short consultation phone call or ask questions in an email. Share a bit about your background and your goals and see if this fits into their area of expertise. After that, you can also ask any questions the website did not answer for you. Especially any questions around fees or age group.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Consultation call\" width=\"640\" height=\"426\" title=\"Consultation call\" data-id=\"1246\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Consultation-call.jpg\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"426\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"426\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 640px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 640\/426;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Some people ask the therapist about where they went to school or the experience they have with their type of issue. Have they ever helped someone overcome it successfully? Their answer should make you feel confident that they can help you achieve your goals. So, go with your gut feeling when it comes to making the final decision.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 300px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 300\/300;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">The first session<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Especially if it\u2019s your first time to counselling, it can be an awkward experience to just sit down and start talking about your intimate feelings with a complete stranger. A good therapist will, however, always make you feel welcome and comfortable. They will be a very attentive listener, while building a conversation as organically as possible. You should never feel like they are distracted, or pushing their own agenda or opinion on what you\u2019ve shared. You should feel like they are only working to support your goals for therapy.<\/p>\n<p>Look for any red flags, including:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>                    <span style=\"\">Your therapist is talking more than you<\/span><\/li>\n<li>                    <span style=\"\">The therapist is interrupting you a lot<\/span><\/li>\n<li>                    <span style=\"\">Your therapist is making you feel judged or ashamed<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>Physical contact without express consent that makes you uncomfortable<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>Inappropriate behavior or questions that make you uncomfortable in a way that feels unrelated to the goals of the therapy<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span>Violating confidentiality about you or another patient (like sharing details with you about another patient while actually sharing that individual\u2019s identity)<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"First session with a therapist\" width=\"640\" height=\"427\" title=\"First session with a therapist\" data-id=\"1251\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/First-session-with-a-therapist.jpg\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"427\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"427\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 640px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 640\/427;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>If all goes well, and you feel comfortable, you and your therapist will agree on a treatment plan and schedule going forward; however, if the session did not make you feel comfortable for any reason, you have no obligation to schedule another appointment. You can simply continue looking for another therapist. Never feel pressured to have to stay with one therapist. Therapy is deeply personal and you need to feel like you can work with a particular therapist.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 300px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 300\/300;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">How long should I see a therapist<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>This answer very much depends on the issue you are dealing with and the type of treatment you are receiving. Everyone is different. Some people go to therapy for only a few months to overcome a particularly hard time in their lives. Others will need the support for life. Talk to your therapist about their recommendations in order to set expectations and find the right fit for your life.<\/p>\n<p>I started off with counselling several times a week because of my situation. Over time, I went once a week. Later, I simply phoned when I needed an appointment. You may find that when you are in the midst of a severe depression, you will need a lot more support than when you are just feeling down. As you get to know yourself and your depression, you may also find that you get better at asking for help when you need it. Now, when I know I am sliding down a slippery slope, I get in touch with my therapist and get the support I need. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a support network you can call on when things get tough.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 300px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 300\/300;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">Finding a good fit<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>While highly trained, therapists are people, and just like anyone else you meet, they will have a certain style through which they communicate. Depending on where you\u2019re at with your journey and why you\u2019re seeking counselling, you may or may not feel comfortable with the way they communicate with you and approach what you\u2019re sharing with them.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Trust and rapport with therapist\" width=\"640\" height=\"427\" title=\"Trust and rapport with therapist\" data-id=\"1252\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Trust-and-rapport-with-therapist.jpg\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"427\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"427\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 640px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 640\/427;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>Some have a very \u201cno-nonsense\u201d approach that can cut through messy feelings, while others may take a very soothing or comforting tone to encourage elaboration instead. It\u2019s important to go with your gut when deciding whether a certain therapist\u2019s style is right for you; however, it\u2019s most important to have a good rapport and feel very comfortable sharing with them.<\/p>\n<p>If after several sessions of getting to know them, you find yourself not wanting to share the whole story, or lying about anything, you\u2019ve most likely not found a good fit yet. The tendency to hold back or distort the truth means you are still feeling some kind of judgement from that person, and likely won\u2019t be able to share truthfully enough to make progress. Telling the whole truth in therapy is vital. In other words, if I\u2019m lying to my therapist, I\u2019m paying a lot of money to have someone work on a false problem. And that doesn\u2019t help!<\/p>\n<p>It may take a few sessions to know if you want to continue seeing a certain therapist, but don\u2019t feel bad if you have to try a few different ones before you find the right fit. While it can feel overwhelming to have to open up to different people in order to find a therapist you really find helpful, the reward of having someone who truly understands and guides you can be life changing (well worth the work).<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 300px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 300\/300;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">My own journey with therapists over the years<\/span><\/h2>\n<p>I once saw a psychologist for a few sessions who showed that she empathized with me like a trained parrot who said \u201cawww yes, that must have been hard for you\u201d after literally every sentence I said. At first I thought it was a nice way of sympathizing, but after an hour I had to restrain myself from yelling \u201cyes of course it was\u2026 that\u2019s why I\u2019m here, thank you for dwelling on that!!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I also saw a very stuffy counselor who was quite matter-of-fact. And at the end of the session I felt a bit judged and ashamed, almost like she was telling me to \u201csuck-it\u2019up\u201d about what I was feeling. In conclusion, I found that to be a very discouraging session and it took me a long time to even try with another counselor again.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Bad experience\" width=\"640\" height=\"427\" title=\"Bad experience\" data-id=\"1253\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Bad-experience.jpg\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"427\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"427\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 640px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 640\/427;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>I have also seen other therapists who just wallowed in my pain with me out of immense empathy but never got me anywhere productive in my thoughts. Above all, while sympathy and empathy are important, you also want to find a way to resolve your problem, not just keep drawing it out.<\/p>\n<p>In the end, through a friend\u2019s inadvertent recommendation I found a woman who has just the right amount of humor, sympathy and \u201clet\u2019s do it\u201d attitude to make me feel like I am talking with a friend. I feel accepted, so I can be completely honest with her, and to me, that is the most important part.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 300px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 300\/300;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">The Takeaway<\/span><\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">No matter how many degrees a therapist has, if you feel scared, intimidated, or judged, you won\u2019t tell them the full truth. And they will never really be able to help you with your inner conflict. You have to find someone you can be open with, someone you trust fully; however,&nbsp; the biggest mistake I made was giving up after meeting with a counselor who was simply not a good fit for me. I mistakenly thought all therapy would be the same.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">What I learned over time is that it might take a bit of searching and trying before finding someone who clicks with you. In addition, you might want to widen your search area to therapists who work with different methods. Some people respond better to one therapy method and others need a different way to work through their situation. I feel like therapy is as individual as buying your clothes. In other words, what fits for you might be terrible for someone else.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">And you can hopefully count on the fact that you will change. Your therapist will likely make the very best effort to support you as much as they can. For instance, you may reach a point where you have resolved one issue and are needing to resolve something else. Sometimes, as you grow as a person, you may outgrow your therapist and need to work with someone else.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"New therapist\" width=\"640\" height=\"426\" title=\"New therapist\" data-id=\"1249\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/New-therapist.jpg\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"426\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"426\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 640px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 640\/426;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Don\u2019t be afraid of therapy<\/h3>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Therapy is there to help you. You may not want to hear the truth about certain things you discuss in therapy, but even that is crucial if you want to move forward. I found that while it was comforting to talk to my family or friends, I needed someone completely unrelated to help me. None of my family is trained in therapy. But, they also tend to coddle me and that did not help with my recovery in the long term.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Often, after severe trauma, it is difficult to get started with therapy.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Don\u2019t let that fear of opening up and having to \u201crelive\u201d your trauma stop you from seeking help. Therapists are trained to work with traumatized people and they will support you through whatever you are experiencing. I found that working with my trauma actually allowed me to heal through it. I feel like if I had not worked with a therapist, my trauma would still be haunting me at every turn because I would have just tried to ignore it and shut it out.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"No fear of therapy\" width=\"640\" height=\"426\" title=\"No fear of therapy\" data-id=\"1248\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/No-fear-of-therapy.jpg\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"426\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"426\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" class=\"lazyload\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 640px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 640\/426;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">One final thought I want to put out there is that you need to be open. If you go to therapy with the mindset that you have no problems and you will just prove them wrong, therapy will be a waste of your time. You can only be helped if you are open to receiving help and open to changing. You are in your current situation because you have followed one path. It seems obvious that if you are not prepared to change that path, you will continue down the same road with the same results.<\/p>\n<p>Make a conscious decision to choose yourself today. You deserve to be happy and find the healing and support you need.<\/p>\n<p>Sources<\/p>\n<p><span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.webmd.com\/mental-health\/guide-to-psychiatry-and-counseling#1\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">https:\/\/www.webmd.com\/mental-health\/guide-to-psychiatry-and-counseling#1<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: none; display: inline-block;\">https:\/\/www.allpsychologyschools.com\/psychology\/differences-therapist-psychologist\/<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.thejorni.com\" style=\"outline: none;\">www.thejorni.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u200bThe journey to find a good therapist Searching for a therapist Whether you\u2019re dealing with depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, or feel like you may just need to talk about what is happening in your life with someone outside your social circle, therapy can be an incredibly helpful tool in finding our way through life. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1337,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":"<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e259e15\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e342696\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4620c5\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e453273\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row tcb--cols--2 tcb-resized\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e452da4\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457d4\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4560fb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5dd307\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-158\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4414d6\"><\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457f1\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5e3e36\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5d96c3\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5df7b5\">Can we grieve something like normality?<br><\/span><\/h2><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e1d0249\"><strong>And what does normality even mean?<\/strong><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e1d0ef9\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">If in March of 2019 I had told you that a year from that time the world would be battling a pandemic, you would be under a social isolation order and had to wear face masks to go shopping, you would have probably told me I was nuts. Although there are plenty of movies that describe a similar situation, my generation at least, has not experienced a pandemic on this scale before.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-160c1e84e06\" data-ct-name=\"Modern 9\" data-ct=\"stylebox-8929\" data-element-name=\"Styled Box\">\n<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e825c68\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"tve-cb tve_empty_dropzone\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e825c69\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4e4a7f\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">It was hard for any of us to imagine how our lives have been impacted by the Covid-19 pandemic.<\/p><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e1d0ef9\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sure, we have all been affected a bit differently. But no matter who you are, you\u2019ve noticed the widespread closures, plastic cashier-guards, face masks and long lineups. You may be struggling with the loss of your job. And it might be difficult to organize food and basic necessities.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h3 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1727feca00f\">Normality changed rapidly<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e1d0ef9\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Life has changed in almost all facets of our lives. From how you do (or no longer do) your job, if you can see your family or friends. How and where you can go to be physically active and even if your favorite movie release was delayed until next year. Things are different, that\u2019s for sure!<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2538ab\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2945a3\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2787cf\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e285f42\" style=\"text-align: center;\">\u201cThe only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.\u201d<br>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;- Alan Watts<\/p><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e1d0ef9\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">And because our lives have changed so radically so quickly, we may be feeling some grief for the loss of normality. You might be feeling an unexplained emptiness. Or maybe a general anxiety and nervousness. Many people are feeling hesitant about the future and some feel an outright panic at everything that has happened. And as it is the case with grief, this will look different from person to person.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e342696\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4620c5\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e453273\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row tcb--cols--2 tcb-resized\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e452da4\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457d4\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4560fb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5dd307\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-158\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4414d6\"><\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457f1\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5e3e36\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5d96c3\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5df7b5\">\u200bWhat is a loss of normality?<br><\/span><\/h2><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e1d0ef9\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">\u201cNormal\u201d is a different thing to everyone. But we all have our own routines and expectations of what comes next. Over time, we have grown used to a certain daily, weekly or monthly pattern. We are used to seeing certain people and traveling to certain places during our day. Generally, we are used to eating certain foods and doing certain activities on a regular basis. We make plans, we hang out with friends...this is our normal.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8eb50c10\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-1319\" alt=\"Daily normality routines\" width=\"640\" height=\"422\" title=\"Daily normality routines\" data-id=\"1319\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Daily-normality-routines.jpg\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8eb50c15\" style=\"\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"422\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"422\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e1d0ef9\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">So when something like this happens and a lot of our patterns and routines are disrupted, we may feel that we have lost that sense or normality in our lives. This can be difficult, or even devastating to some individuals. And they might even feel a sense of grief over having lost what they were used to. Just like when you lose a loved one or a beloved pet, the sudden change can bring about a feeling of grief. This also happens during and after natural disasters, war, and if we go through a major health crisis.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e1d0ef9\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">When everything changes without warning, our safe place is ripped from us. In a way, we begin to float without a sense of safety, security, or direction. It is often unclear what the future will look like and some people might feel like there will be no future left to speak of. In addition to shock and fear, we can also experience a sense of disconnect from our reality.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e342696\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4620c5\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e453273\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row tcb--cols--2 tcb-resized\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e452da4\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457d4\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4560fb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5dd307\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-158\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4414d6\"><\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457f1\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5e3e36\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5d96c3\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5df7b5\">Grieving is helpful<br><\/span><\/h2><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2e5be0\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Grieving normality can occur whenever we experience a huge disruption in our lives, whether it be because of this pandemic, the loss of a loved one, or a terminal diagnosis. Any time our life is turned on its head, we may see certain reactions that are a natural part of grieving the loss of how things used to be.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2e5be0\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Grief is a complex emotion that has several stages and manifests in many different ways in different people. Elisabeth K\u00fcbler-Ross proposed the stages of grief back in 1969 which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Grief is not a tidy or linear process, and anyone can experience any stage at any time. We all go through it in our own way.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8eb50c10\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-1320\" alt=\"Grieving normality\" width=\"640\" height=\"419\" title=\"Grieving normality\" data-id=\"1320\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Grieving-normality.jpg\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8eb50c15\" style=\"\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"419\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"419\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-160c1e84e06\" data-ct-name=\"Modern 9\" data-ct=\"stylebox-8929\" data-element-name=\"Styled Box\">\n<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e825c68\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"tve-cb tve_empty_dropzone\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e825c69\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4e4a7f\">More recent research has also shown that grief may not follow these stages.<\/p><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Some people skip stages or cannot feel any grief at all. Others may experience the stages and keep circling back through them. Grief is individual and so is grieving normality. Some days you might be positive about the future and what it holds. Other days may be difficult and you feel like you cannot go on.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">The important part is that grief can be helpful during this pandemic. Grief allows you to acknowledge what you are feeling. Once you have acknowledged it, you can start to process your emotions and accept them. You can begin to assess your new situation and come to terms with how you will move forward. And this allows you to begin your healing journey.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e342696\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4620c5\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e453273\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row tcb--cols--2 tcb-resized\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e452da4\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457d4\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4560fb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5dd307\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-158\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4414d6\"><\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457f1\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5e3e36\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5d96c3\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5df7b5\">Seeing these stages of grief in my own life<\/span><\/h2><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Through the recent changes to our lives, however, you can start to see how many of us (myself included) went through some or all of these stages in accepting the COVID-19 pandemic. When restrictions were first announced I really didn\u2019t think I had to be that careful. I wasn\u2019t ready to make all these sacrifices yet. I was in denial. But once the numbers started to be reported I started to understand how serious it was and how I had to do my part.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">After a few days of getting used to social isolation and understanding the scope of how this would impact my life, I did start to feel some frustration and anger. No matter how selfish or ridiculous I knew that was. It felt frustrating to know there were so many things I couldn\u2019t do. I couldn\u2019t travel, couldn\u2019t use the gym, couldn\u2019t visit my friends and couldn\u2019t go to my favorite restaurant. I knew that I was still lucky to be healthy\u2026 but at the same time, however irrational, I was mad. When looking at the stages of grief, I can see that this was perhaps part of the normal process of working through things.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-171f0a7b071\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-1322\" alt=\"Stages of grief\" width=\"640\" height=\"426\" title=\"Stages of grief\" data-id=\"1322\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Stages-of-grief.jpg\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8eb50c15\" style=\"\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"426\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"426\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h3 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1727feca00f\">Getting angry and bargaining<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">I have also found that I have had moments of trying to wiggle my way around restrictions. Thinking about whether I could just go out to visit one friend. Or go shopping for fun as long as I wear a mask. I was trying to force some kind of my old normal on a situation that just wasn\u2019t normal. That was me, trying to bargain. I have also had very low days. Days where I struggled with how hard it has become to do my normal self care routine. I have had days where I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up in 2021 when this would (hopefully?) all be over.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Other days, I have found that I cooked something new to feel more positive. And I was proud that I was getting the hang of the best timing to avoid lineups at the grocery store. I have seen glimpses of depression and glimpses of acceptance and more positivity. And then I heard that the release of the new season of my show was indefinitely postponed. So, I was frustrated again. It\u2019s a journey and we\u2019re all going through it together.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e342696\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4620c5\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e453273\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row tcb--cols--2 tcb-resized\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e452da4\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457d4\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4560fb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5dd307\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-158\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4414d6\"><\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457f1\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5e3e36\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5d96c3\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5df7b5\">Adapting to the new normality<\/span><\/h2><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Understanding that I have been grieving normality, and that that\u2019s a normal and understandable response to what has been happening has definitely helped me during this time. We can all use this model to help us cope and sympathize with others. And as we move towards the goal of acceptance in these stages, we can all use a heavy dose of self care, whatever that may look like to you.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8eb50c10\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-1323\" alt=\"Self care when losing normality\" width=\"640\" height=\"389\" title=\"Self care when losing normality\" data-id=\"1323\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Self-care-when-losing-normality.jpg\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8eb50c15\" style=\"\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"389\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"389\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Try to stay connected to friends through phone calls and social media. And share with those you know will support you on this journey. Accepting the changes in our lives can be hard, but it helps to focus on what we can control, and just do what can, day by day. On this journey, it is normal to go forward two steps and back one or more. Healing will happen on your own schedule and at your own pace.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h3 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1727feca00f\">Creating new routines<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">As we learn and grow in this new situation, we will inevitably adapt and create new routines, things that become our \u201cnew normal\u201d. I\u2019ve already found myself bringing headphones to make the daily line-up easier. And I\u2019m ordering my farmer\u2019s market veggies online for delivery instead. I still grieve the fact that I won\u2019t get handmade ice cream on my way to the veggie stand at the market. But the new routine works and it keeps me and everyone else safe.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">I have found that understanding how and what I have been grieving has helped me understand my own feelings and moods in this time. It has also helped me recognize it in others around me, and find more love and patience when dealing with this new world. Nobody really knows the exact answer on how to handle this, but you can always be kind to others and understand it is affecting them just the same.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e342696\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4620c5\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e453273\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row tcb-resized tcb--cols--2\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e452da4\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457d4\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4560fb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5dd307\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-158\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4414d6\"><\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457f1\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5e3e36\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e60884d\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">Constantly changing normality<\/span><\/h2><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Over the years, the constant in my life has always been \u201cchange\u201d. Unsurprisingly, whenever I felt like I finally had a handle on something, everything would change or fall apart. Some of this change included my depression and trauma. Other times it was a change in my living circumstances, like moving to another country or changing jobs. I learned from a very young age that in order to survive I would need to become very adaptable.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8eb50c10\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-1324\" alt=\"Moving country\" width=\"640\" height=\"426\" title=\"Moving country\" data-id=\"1324\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Moving-country.jpg\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8eb50c15\" style=\"\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"426\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"426\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Although this flexibility has served me well over the years, it has also caused some problems. Often, there was no time to be emotional. In many situations, I had to change, adapt, and overcome, without much thought to how I was feeling. The result was a long struggle with depression and anxiety without being able to find healing for a very long time. My flexibility came at a very high cost to myself.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">I have found that going through the Covid pandemic has been a similar experience. And luckily, my past experiences have prepared me well for this situation. This is not to say that I didn\u2019t struggle or didn\u2019t have any bad days. But, overall, I think I was less impacted than many people I know. As the lockdown was announced and I started taking stock of the situation, I kicked into survival mode.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2ea231\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">And that in itself is probably surprising, seeing that I struggled with depression for over two decades. In fact, I was worried that this Covid situation could be a slippery slope for me. I was concerned that having my normality changed again so rapidly could spark my depression. But, throughout this time, I have discovered that I am more resilient than I gave myself credit for. And, in my opinion, that\u2019s because of two things.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e342696\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4620c5\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e453273\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row tcb-resized tcb--cols--2\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e452da4\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457d4\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4560fb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5dd307\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-158\" alt=\"Round Arrow\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"Round Arrow\" data-id=\"158\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/Round-Arrow-1.png\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4414d6\"><\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e4457f1\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e5e3e36\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e60884d\"><span style=\"font-weight: normal;\">The Takeaway<\/span><\/h2><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2fd23f\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">There are two things I wish I would have known a long time ago. The first I learned relatively quickly and early on. It is that change is inevitable. If you can prepare yourself for the fact that life constantly changes, you will find a changing normality much easier to deal with. This is not to say that you should anticipate negative change all the time.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2fd23f\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Think of it more like understanding that you need to evolve with the changes that come into your life. Be creative, be open to new things, and trust yourself to be able to adapt. Many of us greatly underestimate what we are capable of. It is only in times of crisis that we often learn what we are truly made of.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e9bd23b\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-1325\" alt=\"Strong when losing normality\" width=\"640\" height=\"415\" title=\"Strong when losing normality\" data-id=\"1325\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Strong-when-losing-normality.jpg\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e9bd240\" style=\"\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"415\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"415\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2fd23f\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sure, there are times when you will doubt yourself. And there will be times when you are scared and anxious. That is all part of life. But what you know to be true without doubt is that change will come. Everyday is a little different than the day before. And sometimes there are big, life-changing changes that happen. If you can understand and accept that, you will find a change in your normality easier to process and you will thrive from it.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2fd23f\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">The other choice is to fight against it, live in fear of the next change that comes, and try to just survive from one day to the next. You will find this very tiring, draining, and it will make you question whether that is a sustainable way to live. And you may experience depression and anxiety as a result.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h3 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e93851dc4\">Finding healing<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2fd23f\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">The second thing that I learned rather late is the importance of emotions. Because of trauma and depression, I was scared of my emotions for a very long time. I knew the power they held. Through depression, I understood that negative emotions really could bring me to the brink of what I could handle.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8eaa1067\" data-ct-name=\"Modern 9\" data-ct=\"stylebox-8929\" data-element-name=\"Styled Box\">\n<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8ea92876\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"tve-cb tve_empty_dropzone\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8ea92877\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element tve_empty_dropzone\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8ea9287a\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8ea9287b\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">This is why I ignored my emotions for a long time. I stuffed them in a box, locked it, and threw away the key.<\/p><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2fd23f\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">And this is exactly why grieving the loss of your normality is so important. Ignoring and cutting off my emotions kept me from processing change and coming to terms with that change. It also prevented me from healing. I thought that emotions were a bad thing and that they could cause all sorts of problems.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8ea21c99\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img class=\"tve_image wp-image-1326\" alt=\"Loss of your normality\" width=\"640\" height=\"426\" title=\"Loss of your normality\" data-id=\"1326\" src=\"https:\/\/thejorni.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Loss-of-your-normality.jpg\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e8ea21c9f\" style=\"\" data-width=\"640\" data-height=\"426\" data-init-width=\"640\" data-init-height=\"426\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2fd23f\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">It was not until I was able to grieve and actually face my emotions that healing began. And of course with that, your normality will change. You will grow and expand. Over time, you will see things differently and approach situations differently. And that is a good thing. Through grieving and acknowledging your emotions, you will be much better prepared for any changes coming your way.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e2fd23f\" style=\"text-align: justify;\">Don\u2019t mistakenly think that change does not bring a whole wave of different emotions with it. You have already seen this with the Covid pandemic. And if you are not prepared and ready to center within yourself, this wave will drown you each and every time.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e8e31337a\">So, grieve the loss of your normality, heal, and embrace the positive things that change will bring you.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-16efc6ed46b\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-divider\" data-style-d=\"tve_sep-1\" data-thickness-d=\"1\" data-color-d=\"rgb(204, 204, 204)\" data-css=\"tve-u-16efc6ed464\">\n\t<hr class=\"tve_sep tve_sep-1\">\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16efc6ed465\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16efc6ed467\">Sources<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element tve-froala fr-box fr-basic\" data-css=\"tve-u-16efc6fabd5\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16efc6ed468\"><span><a class=\"tve-froala fr-basic\" data-css=\"tve-u-16efc6ed46a\" href=\"https:\/\/www.gistsupport.org\/about-gist\/for-new-gist-pages\/grieving-the-loss-of-normal\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\">https:\/\/www.gistsupport.org\/about-gist\/for-new-gist-pages\/grieving-the-loss-of-normal\/<\/a><\/span><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16efc6fabd5\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16efc6ed468\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none; display: inline-block;\">https:\/\/www.purdue.edu\/caps\/covid-19\/adjusting-to-new-normal.html<\/span><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-16efc6fabd5\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16efc6ed468\"><span style=\"text-decoration: none; display: inline-block;\">https:\/\/psychcentral.com\/lib\/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief\/<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element tve-froala fr-box fr-basic\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e93746d6b\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-16e9374575e\" style=\"text-align: center;\"><a class=\"tve-froala fr-basic\" data-css=\"tve-u-16e93753a63\" href=\"https:\/\/www.thejorni.com\" style=\"outline: none;\">www.thejorni.com<\/a><\/p><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@import url(\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Montserrat:400,400i,500,500i,300,300i,600,700,900,800&subset=latin\");@import url(\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Quicksand:400,500&subset=latin\");@media (min-width: 300px){[data-css=\"tve-u-16e6f9579b5\"] { padding: 0px !important; 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